Texting

I think that texting guys should also be called:

"OMFG WTF DO I SAY BACK-ing"
 I feel like that name is more suitable.

My friend and I were actually just talking about this not too long ago. She hooked up with a guy and a few days later texted him something along the lines of, "You left a bruise on my leg that just won't go away. Hope I didn't give you any battle wounds" and he answered, "There was one on my neck that my boss may have commented on." She and I literally sat there and brainstormed things that she could say back. We bounced ideas off one another like we were in a seminar. First she was going to say something with a winky face but then got nervous that he might not like emoticons. Then she was going to say something pretty basic but if she sent that the conversation might not continue. It's so hard. She and I agreed that there should be an app. that allows you to send whatever text he sends you and then give you a list of options of different things you can say back, depending on what kind of message you want to convey. I'm totally trying to make that an app.

It's hit or miss, at least in my experience. When I exchange numbers with a guy, one of two things happens. He either is really excessive with his texting to the point where it becomes homework to read his texts. Like, there is a beginning, middle, and end and I feel like I need to give a detailed response back or I'll get a D. It's almost like, the more he texts the less I want to answer. I can't stand when I first meet a guy and literally two days after that he's texting me at 8 AM telling me to have a wonderful day -- every day. It's just too much.
OR
There is the guy who literally has four words in his texting vocabulary: "lol," "k," "yea," and "no" The "K" or "LOL" texts are probably my least favorite because how am I supposed to respond back to that? There is no way to keep a conversation going with someone who texts one of those two things to you. I usually don't respond back and when I don't they text again with something like "hellooo?" or "what are you doing?" and then I answer and then they'll say "lol, nice" or something along those lines and then we're back to square one! It's such a vicious cycle.

There is no happy medium. It's either too much or it's not enough. I like to have good, flowing conversation; but not the point where we are sharing our life stories with one another via text.
Now, enough about what frustrates me about guys' ways of texting. Let's get into what frustrates me about myself and the way I text.

I'm pretty sure those of you who know me already know this but I am THAT drunk-texting girl. It's a terrible habit of mine that I'm trying to kick -- much like a drug addiction. When I have been drinking, I feel the need to constantly be social and there have been many nights where I wake up the next day, go through my sent texts, and want to throw myself down the flight of stairs in my apartment complex and remove my thumbs so I am unable to text anymore. When I'm drunk, I usually end up texting guys. I'm not always so coy and eloquent with my words when I've been drinking and I come off either as super desperate or aggressive -- which I'm not when I'm sober.
Then there are the times where I'm sober and I'm super bored so I will literally carry on a conversation about silverware if that means I can be texting someone. It never helps if the guy I'm texting is type 2 of the texting types I described above. The conversation would go something like this:

"So today I ate a salad with a fork. It wasn't plastic, though, it was silverware."
"lol"
"Do you use silverware a lot?"
"yea"
"Oh that's cool. So how often do you use it?"
"idk"
"Ahuh...well, maybe we can go out and eat with silverware some time?"
"k"
........ <<no response from me>>

"So what are you doing?"
"About to eat."
"lol"



-___- damn it.

So you're probably wondering...

what my blog's all about, eh? The title is pretty self-explanatory. I'm a single girl who just can't quite get the hang of it. Don't get me wrong: I'm a girl who has her sh*t together. I'll have a Masters degree before the age of 23, I'm funny (well I'd like to think so), I have a lot of close friends, I'm very driven, etc. But let's just be real about something-- I'm awkward. I can't spit game to save my life and when I try to it's a train wreck. I have had several friends, both guys and girls, try to "coach" me in the game department but it is a hopeless cause. Uncomfortable situations just keep finding me.
I was in a relationship for a long time so I have not the slightest clue as to what I am doing in the dating world. I have never had to "play the game" and I am learning that it is so awkward and uncomfortable. The questions and thoughts that run through my head are just endless.
Some include:
"What does he expect me to say back to 'lol'?"
"Should I wear a cute shirt or a shirt solely meant for the purpose of showing off my cleavage?"
"The way I'm dancing probably does not represent the wholesome image I want to convey."
"What does this text message mean?"
"Let me talk about school so he understands that while I like to have fun, I'm also smart."
"How many other girls has he said that line to?"
"Oh, shit -- there's toilet paper stuck to my heel."
"Is that his girlfriend?"
"Wow this conversation is boring the hell out of me. How do I abort this without coming off as a bitch?"

Those are just SOME of my thoughts.
Now, my thoughts are already awkward--but imagine those thoughts coming to life once I put them into actions. Watching me try to pick up guys is like watching a dog eat peanut butter, a cow trying to get up off of its back, or a snake trying to swallow a large animal--like a zebra. It's just uncomfortable to watch. I have had a few friends tell me that my stories are entertaining and that I should start a blog -- so here I am. I figured that there are other girls out there who probably feel the same way and who are also completely unnatural at this like I am. Girls, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I hope that at some point something clicks and I learn how to spit game but until then, this blog will be my diary about these stories.
Feel free to leave comments about your similar experiences because I would love to hear them. It's always good to think, "Oh thank goodness I am not the only one who has ever experienced this."