Ok, so this is something I have definitely been struggling with in my mind -- the expectations that guys have of us. Of course, they should have expectations -- everyone should. If no one had expectations, I would probably be dating Carrot Top right now, but I do, so I'm not. However, there are some expectations guys hold for girls that, sometimes, I feel are unattainable or are impossible with which to find the perfect balance.
The expectations I am referring to are these:
-The sexy girl next door
-The reserved slut
- The dumb, intelligent girl
-The caring/sweet girl who could give two sh*ts
-The mysterious, outgoing girl
-The naturally beautiful girl who needs to put effort into what she looks like
You get the idea...
Kind of not fair, right? It's not fair because most of the time finding the perfect balance is damn near impossible. If you are "too much" of one of the components of the oxymoronic descriptions listed above, then you automatically become THAT adjective and THAT adjective only. For example, if you're trying to find the balance between caring and seeming indifferent, all it takes is ONE text message of you asking how his day went or two missed calls for a guy to make up his mind about whether you're a stage 5 clinger or not. OR If you're a pretty shy girl who every once in a while likes to go out and have a good time -- a guy sees you dancing on the bar, enjoying yourself on that one night and has his mind completely made up about you. It's not fair; however, I will say that we girls are guilty of this, too. I'll be the first to admit it but for the sake of this blog and how it's mainly about single girl problems, we won't get into that.
This is the other thing I'm struggling with -- men say they want an intelligent girl, who has a lot going for her and blah blah blah. Haha OKAY, I'm just going to go ahead and call you all on that bull right now. Most (not all) guys are threatened by the fact that a girl has an education and are intimidated by those girls. There are girls who could not find their way out of their own room, who really have nothing going for them in life except for their looks, that men absolutely are falling over themselves to date. I don't get it. And yes, I am biased because I am one of those girls who is getting a higher education/working towards something more. Only problem is, when I mention that to guys, it seems to go in one ear and out the other and they continue to stare at my chest. -__-
Here is a sample of the type of conversation I usually have when I'm out:
"Hey, what's up my name is insert gentleman caller's name here"
"Nice to meet you (I usually insert a firm handshake here) I'm Val."
"Val? Like, short for Valerie?"
-___- no, short for Maria... "Yeah, short for Valerie."
"Oh, nice, nice...so what do you do?"
"I'm in Grad School at Mason for Elementary Education, what about you?"
"Well, it was nice meeting you, have a good night."
:(
Monday, January 23, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Creep
There is honestly not enough time in the day nor do you have the energy to read everything I have to say about this topic. Creeps are everywhere and sometimes I think it's their fault that I'm so awkward and uncomfortable around the male species. Although we girls encounter them in our every day life, there are a few prominent situations in which creeps appear:
1. The Stoplight Creep
Every girl reading this knows exactly what I'm talking about. You pull up to a stoplight -- you're texting, checking your reflection, maybe playing with your radio settings -- and then you feel them. One or more pairs of eyes on you. They are shamelessly staring at you; undressing you, even -- and you have to decide whether you want to take the risk and look in the direction from which you feel the gaze coming, or possibly miss the traffic light turning green because you continue to stare down at your phone, even though this is the one time that no one is texting you. Personally, in a situation like this, I like to look through my pictures and take a small trip down memory lane. But then sometimes, I'll look up to see who is looking at me. That is usually a mistake. He sees me look at him and his face lights up because apparently, me glancing in his direction translates that I want to jump his bones. He'll do something cheesy like wink, give you the "Sup?" nod, or just awkwardly stare and smile as you PRAY for the light to turn green. You think it's over but it's not. He tries to drive the same speed as you and as you're trying to concentrate on the road you can see him in your peripherals, driving beside you and staring. Eventually, you're forced to hit your breaks even though you don't want to or switch lanes so that you are in front or behind him.
2. The Bar Creep
No matter where you go -- there is at least one at every bar. The guy who comes up to you who is nice and with whom you make friendly conversation, but when the conversation dies down -- he does not seem to get the hint. You walk away, he follows you. You're on the dance floor, he somehow shows up and starts dancing with you. You're walking out of the bathroom, he's standing outside waiting. While I enjoy the occasional free drink, this creep TOTALLY cramps my style. It's like, no matter how strong of a signal you send that you're not interested, he doesn't get it. Sometimes it gets to the point where he'll be talking to me and I'm blatantly checking my phone, looking around, not listening. Yes, I'm fully aware of how bitchy it is to do that but sometimes I'm left with no choice!
3. The Facebook Creep
There is definitely not a shortage of this particular creep. Guys, I'm sure you have fb creeps that are girls, too. You get on facebook and someone has liked your picture from, like, 3 years ago. Clearly they were stalking you. This person likes ALL of your statuses and the best part -- you've never met them. You're just facebook friends because of mutual friends or a network you have in common but that's it. Wait, it gets better...the ultimate facebook creep is the one who likes and comments on all of your stuff but when you see them out in public -- nothing. They act like they have no idea who you are. That's the BEST.
These are just the top 3 but there is such a variety of them. If you can think of anymore, you should list them :)
1. The Stoplight Creep
Every girl reading this knows exactly what I'm talking about. You pull up to a stoplight -- you're texting, checking your reflection, maybe playing with your radio settings -- and then you feel them. One or more pairs of eyes on you. They are shamelessly staring at you; undressing you, even -- and you have to decide whether you want to take the risk and look in the direction from which you feel the gaze coming, or possibly miss the traffic light turning green because you continue to stare down at your phone, even though this is the one time that no one is texting you. Personally, in a situation like this, I like to look through my pictures and take a small trip down memory lane. But then sometimes, I'll look up to see who is looking at me. That is usually a mistake. He sees me look at him and his face lights up because apparently, me glancing in his direction translates that I want to jump his bones. He'll do something cheesy like wink, give you the "Sup?" nod, or just awkwardly stare and smile as you PRAY for the light to turn green. You think it's over but it's not. He tries to drive the same speed as you and as you're trying to concentrate on the road you can see him in your peripherals, driving beside you and staring. Eventually, you're forced to hit your breaks even though you don't want to or switch lanes so that you are in front or behind him.
2. The Bar Creep
No matter where you go -- there is at least one at every bar. The guy who comes up to you who is nice and with whom you make friendly conversation, but when the conversation dies down -- he does not seem to get the hint. You walk away, he follows you. You're on the dance floor, he somehow shows up and starts dancing with you. You're walking out of the bathroom, he's standing outside waiting. While I enjoy the occasional free drink, this creep TOTALLY cramps my style. It's like, no matter how strong of a signal you send that you're not interested, he doesn't get it. Sometimes it gets to the point where he'll be talking to me and I'm blatantly checking my phone, looking around, not listening. Yes, I'm fully aware of how bitchy it is to do that but sometimes I'm left with no choice!
3. The Facebook Creep
There is definitely not a shortage of this particular creep. Guys, I'm sure you have fb creeps that are girls, too. You get on facebook and someone has liked your picture from, like, 3 years ago. Clearly they were stalking you. This person likes ALL of your statuses and the best part -- you've never met them. You're just facebook friends because of mutual friends or a network you have in common but that's it. Wait, it gets better...the ultimate facebook creep is the one who likes and comments on all of your stuff but when you see them out in public -- nothing. They act like they have no idea who you are. That's the BEST.
These are just the top 3 but there is such a variety of them. If you can think of anymore, you should list them :)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Texting
I think that texting guys should also be called:
"OMFG WTF DO I SAY BACK-ing"
I feel like that name is more suitable.
My friend and I were actually just talking about this not too long ago. She hooked up with a guy and a few days later texted him something along the lines of, "You left a bruise on my leg that just won't go away. Hope I didn't give you any battle wounds" and he answered, "There was one on my neck that my boss may have commented on." She and I literally sat there and brainstormed things that she could say back. We bounced ideas off one another like we were in a seminar. First she was going to say something with a winky face but then got nervous that he might not like emoticons. Then she was going to say something pretty basic but if she sent that the conversation might not continue. It's so hard. She and I agreed that there should be an app. that allows you to send whatever text he sends you and then give you a list of options of different things you can say back, depending on what kind of message you want to convey. I'm totally trying to make that an app.
It's hit or miss, at least in my experience. When I exchange numbers with a guy, one of two things happens. He either is really excessive with his texting to the point where it becomes homework to read his texts. Like, there is a beginning, middle, and end and I feel like I need to give a detailed response back or I'll get a D. It's almost like, the more he texts the less I want to answer. I can't stand when I first meet a guy and literally two days after that he's texting me at 8 AM telling me to have a wonderful day -- every day. It's just too much.
OR
There is the guy who literally has four words in his texting vocabulary: "lol," "k," "yea," and "no" The "K" or "LOL" texts are probably my least favorite because how am I supposed to respond back to that? There is no way to keep a conversation going with someone who texts one of those two things to you. I usually don't respond back and when I don't they text again with something like "hellooo?" or "what are you doing?" and then I answer and then they'll say "lol, nice" or something along those lines and then we're back to square one! It's such a vicious cycle.
There is no happy medium. It's either too much or it's not enough. I like to have good, flowing conversation; but not the point where we are sharing our life stories with one another via text.
Now, enough about what frustrates me about guys' ways of texting. Let's get into what frustrates me about myself and the way I text.
I'm pretty sure those of you who know me already know this but I am THAT drunk-texting girl. It's a terrible habit of mine that I'm trying to kick -- much like a drug addiction. When I have been drinking, I feel the need to constantly be social and there have been many nights where I wake up the next day, go through my sent texts, and want to throw myself down the flight of stairs in my apartment complex and remove my thumbs so I am unable to text anymore. When I'm drunk, I usually end up texting guys. I'm not always so coy and eloquent with my words when I've been drinking and I come off either as super desperate or aggressive -- which I'm not when I'm sober.
Then there are the times where I'm sober and I'm super bored so I will literally carry on a conversation about silverware if that means I can be texting someone. It never helps if the guy I'm texting is type 2 of the texting types I described above. The conversation would go something like this:
"So today I ate a salad with a fork. It wasn't plastic, though, it was silverware."
"lol"
"Do you use silverware a lot?"
"yea"
"Oh that's cool. So how often do you use it?"
"idk"
"Ahuh...well, maybe we can go out and eat with silverware some time?"
"k"
........ <<no response from me>>
"So what are you doing?"
"About to eat."
"lol"
-___- damn it.
"OMFG WTF DO I SAY BACK-ing"
I feel like that name is more suitable.
My friend and I were actually just talking about this not too long ago. She hooked up with a guy and a few days later texted him something along the lines of, "You left a bruise on my leg that just won't go away. Hope I didn't give you any battle wounds" and he answered, "There was one on my neck that my boss may have commented on." She and I literally sat there and brainstormed things that she could say back. We bounced ideas off one another like we were in a seminar. First she was going to say something with a winky face but then got nervous that he might not like emoticons. Then she was going to say something pretty basic but if she sent that the conversation might not continue. It's so hard. She and I agreed that there should be an app. that allows you to send whatever text he sends you and then give you a list of options of different things you can say back, depending on what kind of message you want to convey. I'm totally trying to make that an app.
It's hit or miss, at least in my experience. When I exchange numbers with a guy, one of two things happens. He either is really excessive with his texting to the point where it becomes homework to read his texts. Like, there is a beginning, middle, and end and I feel like I need to give a detailed response back or I'll get a D. It's almost like, the more he texts the less I want to answer. I can't stand when I first meet a guy and literally two days after that he's texting me at 8 AM telling me to have a wonderful day -- every day. It's just too much.
OR
There is the guy who literally has four words in his texting vocabulary: "lol," "k," "yea," and "no" The "K" or "LOL" texts are probably my least favorite because how am I supposed to respond back to that? There is no way to keep a conversation going with someone who texts one of those two things to you. I usually don't respond back and when I don't they text again with something like "hellooo?" or "what are you doing?" and then I answer and then they'll say "lol, nice" or something along those lines and then we're back to square one! It's such a vicious cycle.
There is no happy medium. It's either too much or it's not enough. I like to have good, flowing conversation; but not the point where we are sharing our life stories with one another via text.
Now, enough about what frustrates me about guys' ways of texting. Let's get into what frustrates me about myself and the way I text.
I'm pretty sure those of you who know me already know this but I am THAT drunk-texting girl. It's a terrible habit of mine that I'm trying to kick -- much like a drug addiction. When I have been drinking, I feel the need to constantly be social and there have been many nights where I wake up the next day, go through my sent texts, and want to throw myself down the flight of stairs in my apartment complex and remove my thumbs so I am unable to text anymore. When I'm drunk, I usually end up texting guys. I'm not always so coy and eloquent with my words when I've been drinking and I come off either as super desperate or aggressive -- which I'm not when I'm sober.
Then there are the times where I'm sober and I'm super bored so I will literally carry on a conversation about silverware if that means I can be texting someone. It never helps if the guy I'm texting is type 2 of the texting types I described above. The conversation would go something like this:
"So today I ate a salad with a fork. It wasn't plastic, though, it was silverware."
"lol"
"Do you use silverware a lot?"
"yea"
"Oh that's cool. So how often do you use it?"
"idk"
"Ahuh...well, maybe we can go out and eat with silverware some time?"
"k"
........ <<no response from me>>
"So what are you doing?"
"About to eat."
"lol"
-___- damn it.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
So you're probably wondering...
what my blog's all about, eh? The title is pretty self-explanatory. I'm a single girl who just can't quite get the hang of it. Don't get me wrong: I'm a girl who has her sh*t together. I'll have a Masters degree before the age of 23, I'm funny (well I'd like to think so), I have a lot of close friends, I'm very driven, etc. But let's just be real about something-- I'm awkward. I can't spit game to save my life and when I try to it's a train wreck. I have had several friends, both guys and girls, try to "coach" me in the game department but it is a hopeless cause. Uncomfortable situations just keep finding me.
I was in a relationship for a long time so I have not the slightest clue as to what I am doing in the dating world. I have never had to "play the game" and I am learning that it is so awkward and uncomfortable. The questions and thoughts that run through my head are just endless.
Some include:
"What does he expect me to say back to 'lol'?"
"Should I wear a cute shirt or a shirt solely meant for the purpose of showing off my cleavage?"
"The way I'm dancing probably does not represent the wholesome image I want to convey."
"What does this text message mean?"
"Let me talk about school so he understands that while I like to have fun, I'm also smart."
"How many other girls has he said that line to?"
"Oh, shit -- there's toilet paper stuck to my heel."
"Is that his girlfriend?"
"Wow this conversation is boring the hell out of me. How do I abort this without coming off as a bitch?"
Those are just SOME of my thoughts.
Now, my thoughts are already awkward--but imagine those thoughts coming to life once I put them into actions. Watching me try to pick up guys is like watching a dog eat peanut butter, a cow trying to get up off of its back, or a snake trying to swallow a large animal--like a zebra. It's just uncomfortable to watch. I have had a few friends tell me that my stories are entertaining and that I should start a blog -- so here I am. I figured that there are other girls out there who probably feel the same way and who are also completely unnatural at this like I am. Girls, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I hope that at some point something clicks and I learn how to spit game but until then, this blog will be my diary about these stories.
Feel free to leave comments about your similar experiences because I would love to hear them. It's always good to think, "Oh thank goodness I am not the only one who has ever experienced this."
I was in a relationship for a long time so I have not the slightest clue as to what I am doing in the dating world. I have never had to "play the game" and I am learning that it is so awkward and uncomfortable. The questions and thoughts that run through my head are just endless.
Some include:
"What does he expect me to say back to 'lol'?"
"Should I wear a cute shirt or a shirt solely meant for the purpose of showing off my cleavage?"
"The way I'm dancing probably does not represent the wholesome image I want to convey."
"What does this text message mean?"
"Let me talk about school so he understands that while I like to have fun, I'm also smart."
"How many other girls has he said that line to?"
"Oh, shit -- there's toilet paper stuck to my heel."
"Is that his girlfriend?"
"Wow this conversation is boring the hell out of me. How do I abort this without coming off as a bitch?"
Those are just SOME of my thoughts.
Now, my thoughts are already awkward--but imagine those thoughts coming to life once I put them into actions. Watching me try to pick up guys is like watching a dog eat peanut butter, a cow trying to get up off of its back, or a snake trying to swallow a large animal--like a zebra. It's just uncomfortable to watch. I have had a few friends tell me that my stories are entertaining and that I should start a blog -- so here I am. I figured that there are other girls out there who probably feel the same way and who are also completely unnatural at this like I am. Girls, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I hope that at some point something clicks and I learn how to spit game but until then, this blog will be my diary about these stories.
Feel free to leave comments about your similar experiences because I would love to hear them. It's always good to think, "Oh thank goodness I am not the only one who has ever experienced this."
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